The Rapha Pennine Rally wastes no time in erasing Edinburgh’s splendour, tourists and tartan from my mind. This 500km (320 miles) off-road odyssey from the Scottish capital to Manchester gets real within an hour, the first of many climbs arriving on the city’s doorstep in the Pentland Hills.

As I gaze up the first steep ascent at barely 9.30am, a small part of me thinks back to the single malts for sale at Royal Mile Whiskies and how squeezing a small bottle into my heavily loaded panniers might’ve been a pleasant future reward after today’s hard riding.

Within 10 miles of the start, the route heads skywards, climbing 1,100 feet over the next six miles. A particularly savage section sifts riders between climbers and bike-pushers – we’ve been advised that a 1:1 gear ratio with 42t chainring and 42t cog is ideal. The chain is unlikely to wrap itself around any cog smaller than a dinner plate on this ride south.

Almost from the get-go my 47mm Teravail tyres have their work cut out as the trail flits from treacherous mud to hard-packed grit then narrow, gnarly paths where natural rock gardens demand ultra vigilance. It soon becomes apparent that the Rapha Pennine Rally doesn’t really do gravel roads in the same way as Italy with its chalky Strade Bianche, or the US, South Africa and Australia with their dirt highways. Our route is closer to a mountain bike track, and I see a few riders tumble, caught out by a rock or root. Over the next five days the whisper-quiet stretches of Tarmac that stitch together these technical trails come as something of a relief – 60% of the route and far more of the time are spent off-road.

Distance: 500km / 319 miles  |  Elevation gain: 9,000 metres (29,500 ft)  |  193bpm – new maximum heartrate  |  100 riders  |  5 days  |  60% off-road

A forest fire road offers a tantalising taste of faster speeds, only for a fallen tree to bring everyone to a halt. This is a ride that demands you keep your wits about you – there’s no broom wagon or plan-B if things go pear-shaped.

It’s a self-supported challenge, and the fact that the rider briefing pack contains four times more information on safety, insurance and risk assessment than on places to stay illustrates the perils ahead.

Importantly, the rally is definitely not a race. The organisers are at pains to insist the event is about completion, not competition, although a small bunch of clearly insane riders are planning to take the ‘express’ option, finishing in three, rather than five days. As a footnote, the fastest known time is a jaw-dropping 28 hours and 26 minutes.

Despite the horrors and hardships of previous Pennine Rallies, the event is oversubscribed, and only 100 of us have managed to secure a place this year. Half the riders are women. There’ll be tears, broken gears and midge massacres before we roll into Manchester, but the camaraderie of strangers and a shared lust for adventure should see us through. Some riders are local to the route, others have come from the four corners of Britain, or even flown across the Atlantic to undertake this epic challenge.

Together, we’ll help each other to lift bikes up and down steep banks, stop to assist with punctures and mechanicals, share stories and ride in long comfortable silences. A few riders are tackling the rally in pairs, but none of the solo riders I speak to feels alone. Over the course of five days and a handful of checkpoints, we start to recognise each other at a distance, becoming familiar with jerseys, bikes, and riding positions. We make new friends and commiserate as torrents of rain stream down our noses.

While some are in a sufferfest of wild camping, sheltering under tarps and sawing toothbrushes in half to save weight, others like me have opted for a more comfortable approach of B&Bs and hotels. Any extra miles after the final checkpoint of the day are more than compensated by a cheery welcome, hot water and clean sheets. With a baby son at home, this is the best sleep I’ve had for months, although at the end of 11½ hours of rough riding after day one I could close my eyes on a bed of nails. My lie ins and full English breakfasts mean I start most days in catch-up mode, starting at the back of the field and gradually overtaking other riders as the day goes on.

Even with my bed made for me every night, eliminating the need for a tent and sleeping bag, I’ve packed generously (code for way too much). A stove for a hot brew and cooked ready meals vies for space with cereal bars, gels, oat cakes, a change of clothes, a space blanket, tick tweezers and enough tools to strip and rebuild a bike. I reckon I could survive three days in this wilderness without needing any extra resources, and I could probably open a workshop for a bit of pocket money.

Thankfully, the tools stay in their wallets and bags. My J.Laverack GRiT AM64, with its millimetre-perfect components 3D printed to my bespoke measurements, is a dream to ride. The stiff bottom bracket transfers every last watt of power into forward propulsion up the route’s brutal climbs, while the delightfully compliant titanium frame, Rockshox fork and voluminous tyres provide a magic carpet ride. I do stop once, though, to oil the chain of another bike that I can hear squeaking from hundreds of metres away, puddles of deep silt having scoured lube from the links.

A drovers road drops us into Peebles in the Scottish Borders, the route tracing ancient tracks beaten by cattle herders, before a 20% ascent sees me push my bike up into what the roadbook ominously calls ‘100km of Nothing’. Most of the nothingness is saved for day two, when these hazardous rocky tracks give way to the fabulous fire roads through Kielder’s endless plantations. When I finally reach the edge of the forest, it feels as if someone has turned the lights back on, the pines having created a sort of 24-hour twilight inhabited by clouds of voracious midges.

And so the rally continues along the spine of Britain, so-called because of the Pennines’ length and position, with each merciless climb representing a vertebra. In total, we’ll accumulate about 29,500 ft (9,000m) of ascent – that’s higher than sea level to the summit of Everest. Day four’s Oxnop Scar, where I set a new heart rate PB of 193 beats per minute on the 25% gradient, and the long ascents of Cam High Road and Salter Fell are particular lung- and thigh-busters, sweetened only by spinetingling views of the Yorkshire Dales. Drystone walls parcel wild flower meadows peppered with field barns – it’s sheer heaven.

The long descents are the other payoff, my eyes swapping the blissful panoramas for the next 50 yards ahead. These exhilarating downhills pass in a blur, each one a test of faith in my downhill skills and the stopping power of the GRiT’s disc brakes. The other test of faith is in my trip computer. The organisers urge us to trust the GPX route, even when all signs of natural or manmade trail evaporate, leaving just a moorland of tussocky grass. Following the rider in front is no better – he or she is just as likely to be lost.

As day four ends and day five begins, I’m struck by the fact that this is the region where my Yorkshire-born grandfather, Jack Laverack, inspiration for J.Laverack Bicycles, pedalled countless miles in the 1940s and 1950s. Tales of his mammoth adventures were my first introduction to cycling, and when the going gets tough I take heart from the fact that he conquered these climbs on a heavy steel bike with limited gears and only jam sandwiches for energy. Bikes and nutrition have changed beyond imagination in the intervening years, but the quest to explore new places and landscapes under your own steam is a life philosophy that bridges the generations.

Day five eventually arrives with a lumpy section through Lancashire. I take advantage of the last stretches of thrilling singletrack, curse at the spiteful rocky climb up Rooley Moor, wave to the sails of the giant wind turbines, and then cruise through Bury to the finish line at Track Brewery. This should be the mother of all parties, an all-out euphoric celebration with riders who have endured and overcome one of the toughest cycling challenges in Britain. But truth be told, I’m knackered. Half a pint and a pizza and I’m looking for a quiet corner to curl up and snooze.

Later, when I soak in the bath, I close my eyes and picture the hills, moors, and dales. I can still feel the vibrations through my palms and fingers, still recall the anguish at the foot of endless ascents, the energy-sapping pushes uphill and the grin-widening descents. It’s amazing what the body can do if the mind is willing, and this truly is a magnificent ride.

Night one – The Scott – Edinburgh – Scotland

Address: 18 Holyrood Park Road, Edinburgh, EH16 5AY, United Kingdom

https://www.uoecollection.com/hotels/the-scott/

A beautifully refurbished hotel located at the foot of Arthur’s Seat on the edge of Holyrood Park, The Scott is a luxury boutique hotel, originally built in the 1780s.

I enjoyed my stay here very much and the choice of breakfast was good despite having to leave super early the next morning. The staff were very accommodating and I kept my bike inside my room which meant I could take my bike with me first thing the next morning.

Starting the first day with a really good night’s sleep and a full belly meant I was in great shape for the day ahead.

To get to the start for the rider briefing which is at Gamma Transport Division, it was just under 3 miles through the centre of Edinburgh.

Gamma Transport Division, 15-24 Comely Bank Row, Edinburgh

Ride stats:

Day 1 – Edinburgh to Ettrickbridge

• Distance – 83.87miles
• Moving TIme – 9:04:03
• Elapsed Time – 11:24:14
• Elevation – 7,287 feet
• Weighted Average Power – 221w
• Average speed – 9.3 mi/h
• Max speed 30.9mph
• Feels like – 11 Deg C
• Wind speed 6.3 mi/h
• Wind Direction SSE
• Calories – 5939

Night Two – Cross Keys Inn Ettrickbridge

Address: Main Street, Ettrickbridge, Selkirk, TD7 5JN

https://crosskeysinnettrickbridge.com

A charming and super friendly cosy pub and bed and breakfast.

The first day’s ride took longer than expected as I took a wrong turn adding an extra 10 miles, eventually arriving at Ettrickbridge at around 8pm after a solid 9 hours of riding / moving time. Despite my later than expected arrival the staff at the Cross Keys were super accommodating and provided a fantastic evening meal in the company of some friendly locals.

Ride stats:

Day 2 – Ettrickbridge to Haltwhistle

• Distance – 86.06miles
• Moving TIme – 7:48:50
• Elapsed Time – 9:06:01
• Elevation – 7,152 feet
• Weighted Average Power – 244w
• Average speed – 11.0 mi/h
• Max speed 40.2 mph
• Feels like – 10 Deg C
• Wind speed 7.1 mi/h
• Wind Direction West
• Calories – 5934
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Night Three – The Old School House

The Old School House Fair Hill, Haltwhistle, NE49 9EE

https://www.oldschoolhousehaltwhistle.com

A quintessential English bed and breakfast run with heart.

Situated close to the centre of Haltwhistle in Northumberland, itself described as ‘the centre of Britain’ and within easy reach of Hadrian’s Wall and Pennine Way.

My stay at the Old School House was really enjoyable. The owners could not have been more welcoming and I was delighted to be able to get my kit washed after two long days on the bike. There was secure storage for my bike and as I arrived at around 5pm it meant I had time to get showered and get a meal in town where I met fellow Pennine Rally riders and shared a beer with some of the folks I had met that day. The breakfast was exceptional and if I’d had time I’d have gladly stayed a few more nights here due to the owners being such great hosts and the area being so lovely.

Ride stats:

Day 3 – Haltwhistle to Tan Hill

• Distance – 61.60 miles
• Moving TIme – 5:23:44
• Elapsed Time – 7:40:18
• Elevation – 4,967 feet
• Weighted Average Power – 256w
• Average speed – 11.4 mi/h
• Max speed 39.0 mph
• Feels like – 11 Deg C
• Wind speed 9.8 mi/h
• Wind Direction NW
• Calories – 4,330

Night four – Frith Lodge

Frith Lodge, Keld, Richmond, North Yorks, DL11 6EB

https://www.frithlodgekeld.co.uk/

Located only a few miles from the Tan Hill Inn which is officially Britain’s highest public house at 1,732 feet above sea level, Frith Lodge is a 300 year old Swaledale farmhouse that has been lovingly restored and now operates as a bed and breakfast which also offers fantastic evening meals. The hillside location of Frith Lodge creates a feeling of remoteness which is very calming and relaxing, although you are actually close to the road that you will descend in the morning so the location couldn’t be better.

The small number of guests that were overnighting at the same time as me were very friendly and we all enjoyed a meal together which I would highly recommend booking ahead for. I was lucky to meet a cycling couple who were training to ride the North Cape 4000 and it was great to hear about their upcoming adventure. It’s worth mentioning that the track up to Frith Lodge is only accessible by 4×4 or by bike if you have anything left in the legs which sadly I didn’t.

At the time of writing this Frith Lodge has 56 x 5 star reviews and that I think tells you a bit about the owners, accommodation and its unique offering and setting.

Ride stats:

Day 4 – Frith Lodge (Keld) to Bolton by Bowland

• Distance – 63.43 miles
• Moving TIme – 6:29:52
• Elapsed Time – 8:28:18
• Elevation – 6,978 feet
• Weighted Average Power – 235w
• Average speed – 9.8 mi/h
• Max speed 46.7 mph
• Feels like – 6 Deg C
• Wind speed 13.5 mi/h
• Wind Direction N
• Calories – 4,479

Night five – The Coach and Horses

Main Street Bolton By Bowland, Clitheroe, BB7 4NW

https://coachandhorsesribblevalley.co.uk

A lovingly restored traditional coaching inn, located in the heart of the Ribble Valley and on the edge of the Forest of Bowland, the Coach and Horses offers a slice of luxury at a point in the ride when you most need it. The hotel staff were super friendly and helpful and let me keep my bike in my room which meant I could leave nice and early the next day for my last day of riding into Manchester. I had the most fantastic steak meal and possibly the nicest beer I’ve ever had, with the exception of the Oktoberfest in Germany, and a relaxing evening which charged my batteries perfectly for the early start the next day.

Ride stats: Day 5 – Bolton by Bowland to Manchester – Brewery..

• Distance – 53.55 miles
• Moving TIme – 5:27:23
• Elapsed Time – 6:42:16
• Elevation – 5,495 feet
• Weighted Average Power – 228w
• Average speed – 10 mi/h
• Max speed 38.1 mph
• Feels like – 10 Deg C
• Wind speed 3.8 mi/h
• Wind Direction NNE
• Calories – 3630

The best bits

• The best beer – 4 Mice Brewery Ale on draught.
• The best evening meal – Roast Rump of Beef at The Coach and Horses
• The best breakfast – Full English Breakfast at The Old School House
• The most rewarding climb – Strava segment ‘Poets Steps to top of Kirkgate’.
• Top speed – 46.7 mph
• Biggest learning – carry less stuff!

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I contacted all accommodation owners ahead of booking and arriving to make sure I could store my bike safely and get access to the bike early even if I was leaving early.

Train to Edinburgh – book well in advance to avoid disappointment. Bicycle storage onboard is very limited.